The Advantage of Failure

In our society failure in any form is feared. Mediocrity is maligned as being unacceptable. And anonymity is insufferable by those who watch and wait. If you listen to main stream child experts they will tell you that a child's self esteem needs to be nurtured and boosted in order for them to be a productive and contributing member of society. They say that children must be empowered and that their feelings should be protected. As anything, there is some truth to these theories however practical wisdom reveals a very different reality.

Babies are fully self centered. The whole world revolves around their own needs. They give no thought to others and what is best for the people around them. In fact, they need to be selfish because they are 100% needy. As children grow, the maturing process reveals that it is not healthy to be selfish in all circumstances. It is often necessary to put our personal desires on hold or work through a painful process on our own. It is considered a mark of maturity to come to this conclusion and learn to live with it peacefully. Children will learn these realities in various ways. A child will learn patience as they sit quietly in church, they will learn selflessness as they sit on the bench waiting for their turn to play, they will learn self motivation while they watch others succeed as they struggle. It is not automatically bad for a child to fail a test, or sit on the bench, or get in a fight with friends, or just be average at something. These are all natural events in the process of character building. The train leaves the track when adults do not allow children to experience discomfort or suffer consequences for bad choices. In their attempt to protect the self esteem and empower their child, they are unwittingly crippling them with unrealistic expectations.

These painful realities of life are what allows a person to grow strong emotionally. It is a wise parent that will allow their child to struggle through decision making, that will allow them to fall and fail but pick them up and encourage them to try again, that will support them in their time on the bench with as much passion as when they get the opportunity to score the winning goal. The trial of life is how children learn to be strong and productive.